Letters From The Heart
by Friezaess
Summary: JJ sends Dee a letter telling him just how deep the pain of one-sided love runs. The problem is, a reply may be impossible. Contains suicide themes.


Letters From The Heart  
  
Disclaimer: Out of all the things I own, the copyrights to FAKE are not  
included. Hell, I don't even own the OVA yet. *sob*  
  
Author's note: Holy crap, I wrote a fan-fic O_o I mean seriously, what the  
HELL?!! I haven't written anything for months, let a lone a fan-fic (I couldn't even remember which folder I usually save them in .;), and all of a sudden this leaps out of nowhere! Oh well, a whim's a whim I guess. This is my first FAKE fan-fic, and methinks Dee went a little bit out of  
character. Just grin and bear it, 'k? ^_^;;;  
  
_~*~_  
  
Dear Dee,  
  
I saw you again today. You were with that partner of your's, laughing together. How is it that this man managed to win the heart of my love after only a few weeks, whilst I, who have known you for years, am left to rot? What is it that I'm lacking? Am I not good enough for you, Dee Laytner?  
  
This is getting old. Of course I've tried to forget about you, but these feelings I have just won't relent. I just want to be with you... I just want you to love me like I do you. Have you any idea how much it hurts knowing that the one person whom your heart beats for feels nothing but resentment for you? I'd rather have every bone in my body broken than live with the pain of a one-sided love. And now, this rookie just waltzes into the precinct and you're all over him. And I thought things were bad before. Now... seeing your hands all over him... seeing your lips on his... it hurts so bad. Dear God, it hurts.  
  
Heh, I remember the very first day I saw you. A strapping young man at the Academy's orientation day, talking back to our instructors and believing that any problem could be solved with a punch or two. A personality that many people seemed to be wary of. But not me. I wanted to know more about you. And in time... I wanted to be more than just friends. But you didn't care for me like I did you. You were focused on becoming a cop; it was your sole purpose in life, like so many of our peers. Of course I wanted to as well, but unlike you, it wasn't my life. There were other proffessions I could do if I wanted to. I just wanted to live happily.  
  
You made that impossible.  
  
I can't help what I feel for you, my beloved Dee. I've tried so hard to just detatch myself from these emotions, but they simply refuse to fade. If it was up to me, I would never have fallen in love with you. And yet, through some odd twist of fate... I did. Why is that? Perhaps I was just never meant to be happy. Like the mule lunging for a carrot just out of reach, I will never be able to grasp my desire.  
  
I'm not blind. I see the loathing in your eyes whenever I try to get your attention. You push me aside like a worthless piece of garbage that needs to be thrown out. I can't go on like this, Dee. The pain is just too much.  
  
I give up.  
  
You won't have to worry about me coming onto you anymore, or trying to push Ryo out of the picture. And by the same token, I will finally be free of this emotional torture you have been the source of for all these years. As I write this, tears are stinging my eyes. Tears of love, tears of pain, tears for a life I prayed for but was never granted.  
  
I just ask one thing of you. When they bury me... please don't scowl at me as you always do. Just give me one true smile. Acknowledge how deeply I care for you, even if you don't return it. I'm sorry. I'll be a burden to you no longer.  
  
I love you, Dee. Always and forever.  
~Jemmy J. Adams.  
  
_~*~_  
  
Two days after he had been called to the scene of the suicide, Dee recived JJ's letter in the mail. Obviously it had been sent out through the post so that it reached him after the event had taken place. The dark haired man sighed, re-reading the letter for the umpteenth time since he'd found it amongst the morning mail, as Ryo brought him his daily boost of caffine from the coffee machine in the hall. "What's that?" He gestured towards the letter his partner was focused on. "Oh, this?" Dee faultered. "Uh... it's just a letter from the Penguin asking how I am and stuff. Don't worry about it."  
  
The day went by quietly, leaving the usually loud Detective Laytner with a lot of time to think. Now and then, he thought he'd hear people mention JJ's name in conversation. Whether or not they were actually talking about the recent death or he had just misheard, Dee did not know. All he knew was that, despite the fact that he could be a pest, one of his closest collegues was gone forever. And what was the reason for it?  
  
He reached for a nearby notebook, and in the guise of working, began to write a letter to someone who would never be able to read it.  
  
"Dear JJ,  
  
I wish I'd never had met you. That way you'd be living happily like you wished for, and I wouldn't be sitting here with your blood on my hands. Why couldn't you just accept that I didn't hold those feelings for you? Why did you have to throw yourself off a fucking building to get away from it all?! That was just plain stupid, you know that?!  
  
If I'd have known that you felt that deeply about me... well, I don't know. Maybe we could've talked or something. I figured it was just some schoolgirl crush. You idiot, you didn't have to go jumping over a sarcastic slob like me. You had your whole life ahead of you, and I'm sure you would've found another person to love who felt the same way about you.  
  
I'll smile at you as they lower you into the earth, JJ. A true smile. A smile of truce and comradire. It's all I can do now. What you did was plain stupid. I just hope that after all that, you've managed to find peace.  
  
Sincearly, ~Dee Laytner"  
  
_~*OWARI*~_  
  
Review, else I'll make Tokyopop censor the last volume of FAKE when it comes out ^_~ 


End file.
